Truth Epidemic
by DayDreamer95
Summary: What's going on here? Everyone's blurting out the truth all of a sudden! It's a truth epidemic! Collection of oneshots. Please review!
1. Kamiki Village

Yah, this is just something I came up with when I was bored. For those of you following my latest fanfic, The Dog Days of Okami Amaterasu, don't worry. I'm working on the next chapter as we speak. In this oneshot, basically everyone in Kamiki is under the effects of some kind of truth spell and they didn't knew they were put under it in the first place. There's even a Ranma 1/2 reference in here to make things a little bit crazier. If you don't know what Ranma 1/2 is, fret not - I'll explain. Essentially, in China, there are these cursed springs. You fall into one, you turn into whatever unfortunate animal happened to drown there when doused with cold water. And that's the basic idea. Enjoy, and don't forget to read and review! Especially review!_**

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Truth Epidemic

In the peaceful town of Kamiki Village, the strangest thing happened. People began blurting out the truth—whether they wanted to or not.

It started with Susano. "I love Kushi," he said for no apparent reason. "I adore her and worship her and I have a big ol' painting of her in my house." Everyone stared at him, and then he seemed to realize what he just said. "Oh, I just said that out loud, didn't I?"

"That's kinda creepy," Kushi said. "Are you, like, a stalker or something? W-Wait! I didn't mean that! Yes, I did! You stalker!" She slapped Susano silly. "Oh, I'm so sorry! Wait, no I'm not!" She slapped him again. "Oh, no! I'm sorry! No, I'm still not!" She slapped him a third time. "Omigosh, I'm sor—wait, am I? I don't know anymore!"

"That's brutal, man," Issun said, coming in out of nowhere. "Oh, and I'm gay." Now everyone stared at him. "What? Omigosh, did I just say that out loud?"

"Yeah," Ammy said. "But that isn't even possible, is it? We've all seen you staring at more than a few young ladies, not men."

"That's just for show. I've actually got my eye on the prophet. And I just said that out loud again, didn't I?"

"You what?" Waka asked, not sure of what he heard.

"Oh, what's the point of hiding it anymore? C'mere, you yummy half-baked prophet!" He leaped at Waka.

Waka swatted him away, then stomped on him. "Pesky bug," he said as he walked off.

"Not . . . a . . . bug . . ." Issun wheezed, somehow still alive.

Then Ammy ran up to Waka and suddenly said, "I love you Waka. I think you're really cute and I adore your accent and everything else about you. I loved you since I first saw you. Please say you love me back!"

Waka looked at her for a few seconds before saying, "Oh, ma chérie, I love you, too. I was hoping you would say that someday."

"Really? Oh, Waka!" Ammy pounced on him, knocking them both into the water. That's when something even stranger happened. When they came out of the water, Waka had somehow turned into a wolf. "WTF?" said Ammy.

"Guess the wolf's out of the bag. I went to China and threw myself into the Spring of Drowned Wolf. I had hoped that you would love me if I was like you, ma chérie," Waka explained.

"Well, that's just all the more reason for me to love you! Let's go!" And they both skipped off together, all happy and lovey-dovey.

Then Mr. and Mrs. Orange came out to see what all the commotion was about. "What's going on here?" Mr. Orange demanded. "All you youngsters, with your wild parties and whatnot . . . I got a headache. Where's me sake? I needs me some sake! I knows I said I wouldn't drink, but who cares? I drink every day! I drink sake with breakfast, lunch and dinner. I love sake!"

"Oh, but you said you wouldn't drink," Mrs. Orange said. "Anyone want some Cherry Cakes? I make them all the time, but I never eat them because I never really liked them in the first place. I just make 'em to show off my awesome kung-fu moves!"

"What is going on here?" someone asked. "Why is this happening?"

Issun, who had miraculously sprang back to his normal self, said, "I don't know, but I think it's a . . . _truth epidemic._"

_GASP!_

~The End~


	2. Taka Pass

Hey everyone! At the request of one of my readers, I have decided to make this a collection of oneshots. This one is featured in Taka Pass, since I didn't really feel like doing Agata Forest. I hope you enjoy, and please review!_**

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Taka Pass

What came to be known as the "truth epidemic" spread beyond the modest village, past the lush foliage of Agata Forest all the way to Taka Pass. Here, it started at the unassuming yet creepy house of the Cutters.

Mrs. Cutter was sharpening her already too-sharp butcher knife, muttering to herself, "Oh, yes, I do love to sharpen this here knife of mine."

Mr. Cutter, standing outside to watch for a potential meal—er, _guest_—shouted to Mrs. Cutter inside the house, "MARGE, WHEN'S SUPPER GONNA BE READY? I'M HUNGRY!"

Mrs. Cutter shouted back, "IN A LITTLE BIT! Jeez, why must you always nag? If it's not one thing, it's another! 'I'm hungry!' or 'I'm bored!'. Just SHUT YER YAP for once!"

"I ain't nagging! And I ain't always complaining! Just when you don't do something right! You're always messing everything up! Heck, you don't do nothing right!"

"Take that back!"

"NEVER!"

Suddenly something flew past Mr. Cutter, just barely grazing his awesome scissor-mustache. "HEY! Watch where you're aiming that thing! You almost chopped my awesome scissor-mustache off!" Then he realized something. It was Mrs. Cutter's butcher knife. "Oh, SH—"

"Watch your language, Bill!" Mrs. Cutter yelled from inside the house. "Now, take it back, 'cause next time, I ain't missing!"

Figuring she only had one butcher knife, Mr. Cutter proceeded to say, "Not on my—" when Mrs. Cutter interrupted again.

"I got another knife in here, you know!"

"AH! Er, uh . . . meh. Okay, fine, I . . . still don't take it back. Oh, GOSHDARNIT!"

"THAT'S IT! YOU'RE GOIN' DOWN!"

"Oh . . . crap."

And that was the end of Mr. Cutter's life.

o~*~o

Meanwhile, in the windy Kusa Village, a priestess named Fuse was attempting to get her dogs to do something, anything, without much success.

"C'mon, you lazy mutts!" she shouted at the dogs reclining on plush cushions like they owned the world. "Get up off your butts and _do_ something for once!" She tried shoving the dogs off their comfy seats, but she was too weak to do so.

"Nice try, lady," said Shin, a large black and white boxer. "You ain't movin' us for the world!" The other dogs laughed.

"Yeah, just try and make us do something!" Rei, a green (Green? Really? Where do they come up with these things?) beagle barked.

"Now, now," said Chi, a pink puffball of a dog. "This is our master we're talking about here." But watching their master try pathetically to get them to move made her smile regardless. "But I do say, that is rather funny . . ."

"MOVE, YOU STUPID DOGS! DO SOMETHING! ANYTHING!" Princess Fuse shouted, losing her temper.

"Oh, looks like Fuse blew a fuse," Ko, a brown collie, said jokingly, bringing on another round of laughter.

"Yeah, that good-for-nothing priestess can't do anything right," Tei, a dog prone to fighting, said. "She can't even throw a temper tantrum right!"

Fuse glared at the dogs, still not fazing them in the least. "THAT'S IT! I'm not taking this anymore! No supper! For any of you!"

The Canine Warriors gasped simultaneously. Fuse _never_ takes away their food. _Ever_. They all started clamoring at once.

"What did she say? No supper? Oh, the humanity!"

"That's not right!"

"That's hardly fair, Lady Fuse!"

"We can't possibly survive the night without supper!"

"Now you've gone too far!"

Tei had said this last bit. He jumped to his feet suddenly, his eyes like daggers aimed at Fuse.

Fuse noticed Tei rise. "Oh, finally! One of you has done something other than sit on your rumps all day! Good on you, Tei! Now, see, the rest of you should follow his example and—"

"How dense can you get?" Shin muttered.

"She don't even know what she's got comin' to her!" Rei snickered.

"I must admit, she is rather thick-headed . . ." Chi said.

"Wait for it . . ." Ko said.

"GIT 'ER, BOYS!" Tei howled.

"W-Wait . . . What do you think you're doing? No! Sit! Stay! HEEL! EEK!" Princess Fuse cried.

(Note: no priestesses were killed in the making of this fanfiction. Just severely maimed. That's all.)

~The End~

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Hmm... Now that I look at it, it might not be that funny... meh :P Well, tell me what you think - please review!


	3. SeiAn City

_**Sei-An City**_

The mysterious and dastardly "truth epidemic" spread even further, reaching even the capital city of Nippon, Sei-An.

The first sign appeared within the temple of the beautiful priestess, Rao. As it turned out, many of the men there came not for advice, but only to stare at Rao's overly large breasts. Needless to say, their thoughts weren't that pleasant.

"Lookin' lovely as ever, Rao!"

"Whoo, boy, look at dem tits!"

"Come on over to my place! I can show you a good time . . ."

Countless men received scoldings from their wives, whilst others got away with it.

"Foolish mortals," Rao said, not quite yet realizing that her thoughts were being broadcast to the world. "Soon, I, Ninetails, will take over this pathetic land and kill every single one of you! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!" Only then did she notice everyone's eyes on her, looking at her strangely. "Uhh . . . Just forget everything I said just now, okay?"

"And why would we do that, crazy lady?"

"Because . . . If you don't, I will hunt you down and make sure you die a slow, painful death."

"Okay, okay! Jeez, you're nuts . . ."

"Yeah . . . Just keep on thinking that, you unintelligent fool . . ."

"Huh? What was that?

"OH! Uh, nothing, nothing . . ."

The man walks off, muttering something about how crazy that chick is.

Meanwhile, in the Queen's Palace . . .

Yes, the epidemic spread to even the palace of Himiko, Queen of Sei-An City. Himiko herself was immersed in deep prayer, her thoughts focused entirely on that. That is, until one of her handmaidens interrupts her. "Um . . . M-Milady?"

"Hm?" She scarcely gave the servant a second thought.

"We require your assistance, Your Highness."

Himiko sighs. "Can't Paul take care of it?" She is, of course, referring to the Emperor of Sei-An, also known as her husband.

"W-Well . . . He is ill in bed. Can you please lend us your help, Your Highness?"

"Can't you see I'm busy?"

"Not really . . ." Himiko gives her an intimidating glare. "I-I mean—! O-Of course I do! But please, Your Majesty—!"

"I don't want to hear it! Leave me alone!"

"It would only take a moment! Please, I—"

"Not listening! Lalalala!"

"Please, Your Majesty! Surely you can halt whatever you're doing for just a little bit!"

"NO! You don't understand! This is of the utmost importance!"

"How is this important? You just sit in here all day, doing nothing."

"Shut up! My prayers help this city whether you think it does or not! So there!"

"How? How do they do anything to help? Nothing's getting any better!"

"Just trust me on this!"

"But, really, Your—"

"JUST TRUST ME!"

"But what if—"

"NO! SHUT THE F*** UP!"

"Your Majesty!"

"#%#$!%!#^&!%$!#$!#%#&$%!"

"Okay, I get it! You needn't use such vulgar language, milady!"

"I'll say whatever I want to! Now get out of my sight!"

"Y-Yes, milady." She walks out of the throne room, utterly defeated.

And thus ends this episode of "Truth Epidemic." See you later!

~The End~

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There, another one done! You guys happy? I sure hope you are. That's what I'm here for - to make you happy! Sorry if it's a little short . . . Please review!


	4. North Ryoshima Coast

Hello, everyone. Here I am again, procrastinating as usual with - that's right! - another chapter of Truth Epidemic! I've been without internet for a while, thus was unable upload any new stories - and, I haven't written any more fanfiction. I do realize that this is North Ryoshima Coast, and that I haven't done the southern Ryoshima Coast. I did that on purpose. As with Agata Forest, there weren't many characters at Ryoshima Coast that had... oh, I don't know, comedy potential. Anyway, enjoy this for now! I might even go to Kamui with this, if you guys review enough...

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_**North Ryoshima Coast**_

Yes, the all-revealing, trouble-causing truth epidemic spread to even the far shores of North Ryoshima Coast. Though it took some time for the "disease" to arrive, soon the people of the peaceful coast were unwillingly speaking their minds.

This time, the country bumpkin Urashima—once trapped in youth, now an old man as he was supposed to be thanks to the goddess Amaterasu—caught it first. He was simply strolling casually on the beach when he caught sight of two wolves, one with golden fur and the other with white, huddling close to one another in what seemed to him an adorable puppy's embrace. "D'aw, how cute!" he exclaimed in his Southern drawl. "Look at dem cuddlin' and bein' all adorable!" Then he realized what they were actually doing—things that shouldn't be mentioned in a story rated K for young children. "Oh, that's not right," Urashima muttered to himself, walking away.

Meanwhile, Ammy had noticed the attention she and Waka had attracted. She wriggled out from beneath Waka, and the prophet-turned-wolf complained with an "Oof!" as he fell to the ground. "Can't a couple of wolves get any privacy around here?" Ammy grumbled, irritated at having been interrupted.

"I suppose not, _ma chérie_," Waka answered, shaking the sand out of his fur.

Ammy let out a dramatic sigh. "Let's go, then."

The two wolves meandered through North Ryoshima, searching for a more secluded place. After all, they both desired to be alone. Together. They passed by the fishing dock, and by chance encountered one of Ammy's old friends.

Orca, Ammy's fishy friend, waded in the water near the dock, waiting. The missionary of the legendary Dragon Palace would only take someone to the kingdom beneath the waves if they were worthy, chosen. At one time, Ammy had been chosen. Was she still worthy enough? She should be; she was a goddess, after all!

"Hey, Orca!" Ammy greeted the whale. "I'd like to know—"

She was interrupted by Urashima, who yet seemed convinced that Orca had come for him. Yes, he was chosen at one time, but he was no longer worthy; Orca had already made this clear to him by flinging him into the sea with a simple tail-flick. But it seemed that the old man hadn't learned his lesson. He insisted, "Orca! You've come for me again at last! After all these years!" He ran—well, power-walked, as he couldn't run as old as he was—down the length of the dock, expecting a joyous reunion.

"I don't think so, bub!" Orca said quite sternly—and unexpectedly. Orca had never spoken to anyone like that before. "You idiot! Learn your lesson, already!" he ranted as he launched Urashima into the air with a flick of his tail as he had last time, sending the old man flying into the ocean.

"I just wanted to say hiiiiii . . . !" Urashima yelled as he flew into the distance, further and further away before landing with a great splash in the ocean far away.

" . . . Well, that takes care of that, I guess," Ammy said, somewhat disturbed by Orca's display of anger. She'd never seen him angry at all. Then a rare flash of inspiration distracted her. "Anyway . . . Would there be any chance that you could take me to the Dragon Palace?" The Dragon Palace was perfect. She and Waka could spend all the time they wanted alone. Together. "I'd just like to show Waka here that place. It's really pretty there and all. Please?"

"But I've already been to—" Waka started to say. Ammy silenced him with her "shut up" look. "I am shut upping now."

"Nope," Orca said simply. "You can't. You're not worthy anymore. I'm here for someone else."

"_What?_" Ammy exclaimed incredulously. "I can't be not worthy! I'm a goddess! A _goddess_! How can I be not worthy?"

"Only the chosen one can go to the Dragon Palace."

"And who is the chosen one?"

Orca produced a sheet of paper that somehow wasn't wet despite being in the water. "Oh! How is that paper not wet?" Ammy asked, golden eyes wide with wonder.

"It's laminated," Orca replied matter-of-factly.

"Oh. That makes sense."

Orca's eyes turned to the laminated paper, scanning the document. "Let's see . . . Today's chosen one is . . . Chuck Norris."

Ammy's eyes widened again, this time with disbelief. "Chuck Norris? _Chuck Norris?_ That's not possible! I am outraged! How can Chuck Norris be better than me?" Then she paused as she thought about it. "Wait . . . Who's Chuck Norris?"

"I have no idea," Waka said.

"Yeah, I'm not so sure, either," Orca admitted. "But I heard he's so epicly awesome, he can't help but be the chosen one! Producing companies, sports teams, and teenagers everywhere . . . He's chosen by everyone!"

"You lost me," Ammy said. "What in the world are you talking about?"

"No clue. But that's what it says on this paper here, and they told me that I must abide by this paper!"

"Who's 'they'?"

"Some dudes in strange clothes who came in some weird machine."

"Ah. You can always trust dudes in strange clothes. Trust me, I know." Ammy gave a sidelong glance to Waka.

"I'll take your word for it."

A silence came between them. Ammy decided to break it by asking once more, "Can't you take us to the Dragon Palace just once? Rules are meant to be bent, right?"

"Wrong. Rules are rules."

"Oh, alright. I guess we'll just have to go somewhere else, then . . ." She feigned walking away, leaving for good. Then, when she was convinced that Orca had dropped his guard, she whirled around and pounced on him. "You _will_ take us to the Dragon Palace, if it's the last thing you do!"

"No, I _won't_!" Just as easily as he had flung Urashima, Orca flicked Ammy away with his tail and sent her flying.

She splashed into the ocean just as Urashima had, though he was nowhere to be seen. She floated there in the water a moment, fuming about her foiled attempt to force Orca to take her and Waka to the Dragon Palace. Then she realized something: she's not a strong swimmer. If she stayed in the water much longer, she'd surely drown. She suddenly became a whirlwind of flailing limbs as she struggled to stay afloat. "Help! Somebody!" she cried.

"Amaterasu! I'll save you!" Waka declared bravely. But instead of using his special prophetic abilities to walk across the water to her, he decided to go the way she went. He sprinted towards Orca, and shouted, "Take me to the Dragon Palace!"

"No way, _José_!" Orca shouted back, and again flung the unworthy person to the water. A moment after he heard the splash, Orca sighed and said to himself, "I need a new job."

Waka swam to Ammy and said, "I'm here to rescue you, _ma chérie_!"

Ammy stopped her flailing, looked at him and replied, in a deadpan tone, "That's great, but how exactly do you plan on doing that?"

Waka stared blankly at her for a moment. "Uh . . . I don't know," he admitted.

"That's just peachy."

"What do peaches have to do with this? Anyway, I was just thinking in the spur of the moment," he said by way of unnecessary explanation. "I . . . didn't really think ahead of jumping in to save you. I'm an idiot. Go ahead and smack me upside the head; I know you want to."

"Well, if you insist . . ." Ammy raised her paw and delivered a sharp blow to the side of his head.

"Thanks, _ma chérie_," Waka said with partial sarcasm.

"It was my pleasure," she replied with no sarcasm. She then sighed. "Now what are we going to do? We're too far away from the shore to swim back, and we're going to drown if no one comes . . ."

Another voice, neither Ammy's nor Waka's, cut in. "May I be of assistance to you?" Out of the water emerged the owner of the voice: Queen Otohime of the Dragonians. She normally stayed within her Dragon Palace, but she always came when someone like Amaterasu—someone whom she had either befriended or owed a debt to; Amaterasu happened to be both—needed her.

Ammy was more than glad to see Otohime—but was also peeved by the Dragonian Queen's obvious question. She answered with heavy sarcasm, "No, we're just enjoying a leisurely swim out in the middle of the ocean." She pounded the water angrily, causing a big splash. "What does it look like to you? Of course we need your help! We're drowning!"

"Oh! Of course!" The beautiful woman then transformed from her lovely humanoid form into a true creature of the sea, a Water Dragon. "Here, climb onto my tail." She offered her long, swishing tail to the drowning wolves. Both wolves gratefully mounted her tail and held on for dear life. "How did this happen, Amaterasu? How did you end up here?"

"That missionary of yours over there flung us here!" Ammy barked, glaring in the direction she knew Orca was. "He could have killed us and everything!"

"Oh, not again," Otohime murmured to herself. "Why does this keep happening? I tell the missionaries to turn away the unworthy, not fling them! But they never listen. It seems that they believe that's the only way to keep them away. Oh, but there has to be a better way. Every single time, it's this—" absentmindedly she flicked her own tail, loosening the wolves' grip on it "—and that—" she flicked her tail again, this time sending both wolves flying as Orca had "—and I am positively sick of it! I mean, it'd be nice if I could keep one of my missionaries for a while!" Only when she finished her rant did Otohime notice Waka and Ammy's absence. "Amaterasu? Waka? Where'd you go?"

A little distance away, Ammy was again flailing in the water, with Waka flailing next to her. "Over here!" Ammy responded irritably. "Drowning! AGAIN!"

"Oh! Oh, goodness! I am so sorry, Amaterasu! And to you, too, Waka!" she apologized as she rescued the two wolves once more. "You know, I just get so into my conversations, moving my tail this way and that and I am just so absolutely sorry!"

"That's alright," Ammy forgave her grudgingly. "As long as you don't do it again, we're fine."

"Of course! I won't ever do it again!" But even as she said that, again Otohime flicked her tail without realizing it, and sent the wolves flying once again. "Oops!"

"GET ME OUT OF HERE!" Ammy growled. She did not like being thrown into the water a third time; she'd thought the first time was enough.

"Right away!" Yet again, Otohime fished the wolves out with her dangerous tail.

"Perhaps you should take us back to shore before you inadvertently attempt to drown us again," Waka offered with a hint of irritancy in his voice.

"Y-Yes, I probably should," Otohime said contritely. "Oh, I feel so stupid! Why do I keep flinging you into the water like that? I don't mean it! I'll try not to have it happen again."

Amazingly, Otohime managed to return Ammy and Waka to shore with only three more tail-flicking incidents. (Needless to say, she wasn't very good at controlling her tail. She'd even chastised it from time to time: "Bad tail! I command that you listen to me!")

"Geez, I though we were going to be drowned for sure," Ammy grumbled as she shook the water from her fur.

"Tell me about it," Waka agreed, also shaking the water out of his fur. "Let's get out of here before she figures out how to drown us on dry land."

Otohime overheard their irritated mumblings, and apologized again, "Oh, I am so very, very sorry! I hope you'll forgive me!"

"Maybe," said Ammy. "Maybe I'll forgive you if you don't do anything like that again."

"Never, ever! Nothing like that will ever happen again!" Otohime promised. Then her uncontrollable tail slapped the water, causing a wave to crash onto shore and drench the two wolves. "Oops again!"

" 'Oops' is right," Ammy mumbled, shaking out her fur once more. "Let's go, Waka."

"Yes, let's," Waka said. The two wolves stormed away without another word.

Otohime turned to her naughty tail once again. "You bad, bad tail!" she chided it. "Why do you insist on betraying me so? Bad tail! I ought to punish you!" As if in response to her chastising, her tail splashed again, this time into her face. "Ugh! Bad tail! Bad, bad tail! No more!" She bit her misbehaving tail, and winced at the pain she'd inflicted upon herself. "Owie . . . Okay, not my best idea . . ."

It was at that moment that Chuck Norris came along, soaring in a jump kick that seemed almost as if he was flying, looking as epic as ever even as he crashed into the water.

Otohime was dumbfounded.

~END~

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Hey again! Did you love it? Hate it? Please tell me! Review! And remember what I said about writing another chapter under the condition that you guys review... Okay, bye!


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